What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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