he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dicks are not precious.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize