And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
