butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
