Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
