There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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