Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
