Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
