I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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