Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
