Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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