Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
