Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
