woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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