I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize