Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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