The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize