Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
