I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
