I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
