it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
