My hand turned me down
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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