batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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