I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize