I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
