Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
