she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize