Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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