Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You're earring is so big in my mouth
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
