i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
