It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He shit in the fireplace
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
