i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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