our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
