You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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