i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize