you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
