I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize