i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
