She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize