I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
