I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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