Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize