then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
