you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
