i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
