Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
