so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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