I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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