If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I did not marry a roomba.
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