We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
