Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
