i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
