I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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