I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
