All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
