well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize