the condom got lost in my hair
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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