So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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