what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize