You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
