its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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